Birthday Alibi Service

Life is short. Even shorter than you think, and there certainly isn’t time for things, events, activities, and people that don’t matter to you. Take back control of your time and only commit to social offers that work for you. Learn to say no, without feeling any need to provide an excuse. That would be ideal. However, if you simply can’t manage this, for reasons of social conditioning, or any other reason, the Birthday Alibi Service is here for you. Let’s face it – not everyone is an expert in extreme candor and owning their decisions like your man JRod. But I’m willing to help.

How It Works

You receive an invitation to something you don’t want to go to / do, but you feel social pressures and guilt compelling you to attend the boring / annoying thing anyway, or at least provide a ‘good enough’ reason for not attending.

Enter the Birthday Alibi Service, or BAS. You use the excuse that you will be at my birthday celebration to avoid attending the unwanted social occasion. Birthdays are important social and cultural events, so this should be a satisfactory ‘excuse’ for the pushy person who invited you to the damn thing in the first place.

On the day in question, you do whatever the hell you want because you are an adult and you’re in charge of your own life, values and priorities! Leave the alibi to me.

I work hard living like it’s my birthday on that day and produce compelling digital content to back up that story, including a photo with a delicious cake, chunky white choc and cranberry cookies, and my favourite diet soda. You provide a recent photo, and I use my expert PC skills to make it look like you were there too!

Voi la! You’ve avoided the unwanted social occasion and have ‘proof’ that you were helping celebrate my birthday instead. Take that Aunty Nora. You always cheat at Scrabble anyway you liar.

This service is available 365 days a year, and I use a different alias for each day of the year, so you can avoid as many unwanted social occasions as you like! Every job is unique and special packages are available to provide the right evidence to suit the level of interrogation you experience from the dull social intruder in your life.

Please note that the BAS is unavailable on the 29th of February, as I do treat myself to a day off at least once every four years. Thank you for your understanding.

My Philosophy

As well as providing exceptional value to you the client, this endeavor plays into my personal goal of having a more positive attitude to life. Birthdays are an arbitrary day once a year when we feel great about ourselves. It’s not even for any particular reason. We just choose to be positive and feel great for that one day. If it’s just a choice, then why not choose to feel great about who you are every day? I want to enjoy every day of my life. There’s no need to wait for a ‘better time’ to feel joy. The best of times is now. Make today matter.

Selected Reviews

“I love the BAS! I don’t even go out at all anymore. JRod is available every day of the year and I just feign illness on leap years. Perfect.”

“I’ve finally got my life back!”

“I used to have trouble saying no to people I didn’t really know or care about, but since I started using the BAS I only go to events I actually want to go to and only spend time with people I actually want to spend time with! The whole concept is pure genius, and this guy is a true talent.”

“I mostly just use the basic BAS package, and this works fine with people who don’t ask too many questions. However, sometimes nosy characters, like my Aunt Lizzy for example, just poke and prod and demand extraordinary evidence that I wasn’t lying about being at my friend’s birthday party to avoid her ‘quarterly family dinner’. On those special occasions, I splash out on the deluxe BAS package, which has many additional features including a phone call from JRod at a pre-arranged time. That really shuts her right up! Thanks so much for what you do JRod.”

“Look no further for a quality product or service. No really, please stop looking.”

“I used to try to get away with small excuses to get out of things, but now with the easy accessibility of the BAS, I just go straight to playing the ‘sorry I’m at a birthday party that day’ card every time. And it works, EVERY TIME.”

“This service is worth every penny. I got sick of wasting my time on things that don’t matter to me, just because I was drilled with Catholic guilt during my youth. Thank God for the BAS.”

“No more awkward social occasions with acquaintances that I don’t actually want to get to know any better. Frankly, the guy is undercharging. I would pay 3 times as much for this service, as it just provides so much value. I cannot recommend the BAS highly enough.”

“The guy is a miracle worker! Minor miracles. But still, miracles.”

“JRod is the consummate professional. He really does live like it’s his birthday every day just so you can avoid that boring recital. I was impressed with the quality of service and attention to detail.”

“Simply outstanding. Five stars and then some. I’ll definitely be back.”

“It’s hard to put a value on avoiding that disastrous work camping trip. The BAS really saved my bacon.”

“I’ve never met such a hard working young man. He really puts client outcomes first and goes the extra mile. It’s as though he really does think it’s his birthday every day.”

“When an actual birthday party I was going to got canned at the last minute, it looked like I was going to have to spend the day with my annoying cousin. Luckily a friend mentioned the BAS. I’ve never looked back.”

“Don’t settle for an imitation service. Stick with the original trusted BAS and enjoy the benefits of a reliable service year round. I did, and I am loving it.”

“I was initially skeptical of all the positive reviews. Could this guy really be that good?! Put simply, he damn well is that good.”

“An important service for the times we live in. Truly invaluable.”